I’m in love with this quote:
“Trauma decontextualized in a person looks like personality. Trauma decontextualized in a family looks like family traits. Trauma in a people looks like culture.”
-Resmaa Menakem, trauma expert
There is such deep insight into people in those 3 sentences. We all have trauma – which we absorb into our bodies, and store somewhere we can handle that pain. If I meet you, I don’t immediately know your traumas, or their outcomes, and so I know you without context. I just know and notice… what? That you’re quirky. On edge. Soft spoken. Very, very attached to your Glass Menagerie. These personality traits are all linked to some kind of trauma.
“Trauma decontextualized in a person looks like personality.”
When we meet Harry Potter, the Fresh Prince of BelAir, Anne of Green Gables, Dorothy of Kansas, or almost any character you can think of in books, movies or TV, we can see their traumas, in how they behave, what they worry about, and pursue. Batman’s entire life-motivation is informed by the trauma of seeing his parents murdered.
It’s not like we all walk around with signs that state what traumas we’ve absorbed, and where in our body we’re storing them. But fictional (and real) characters absorb trauma and that informs who they become.
– Harry has his lightening scar – a literal receptacle of his trauma in infancy.
– Will was yanked from the streets of South Philly, and that shows up in his every move, in Bel-Air.
– Anne talks a blue streak in hopes of cheering herself up, despite bleak surroundings.
– Dorothy runs away, bec everyone seems too busy to pay attention to her, she feels unloved.
I don’t mean to make light of this brilliant observation by Menakem in real life/real people. But since we’re writers, I wanted to highlight how deeply this can inform our characters.
“Trauma decontextualized in a family looks like family traits.”
Now, let’s look at families with observable “traits.” Can you imagine what traumas are shared by some of these families? The Munsters, the Simpsons, the Joads from The Grapes of Wrath? How about the Jeffersons on The Jeffersons or the Crawley family from Downton Abbey. Contemplate the family of Harlan Thrombey in Knives Out.
Each of these families show up very differently. Some seem traumatized on the face of things – like the Joads (poverty, loss of their home), the Thrombeys (withholding love, great wealth, dependancy) or the Simpsons (anger, abuse).
Others’ traumas are better hidden, but still show up as “family traits.” It’s very interesting to contemplate. Why were the Jeffersons able to move “on up?” They had a lot of attitude that helped them get there, and perspective on “their deluxe apartment in the sky,” bec they had struggled in Flushing, Queens (As Archie Bunker’s neighbors). And while we’re looking at Norman Lear families – think about the Bunkers, and the One Day at a Time families: both Anne Romano and her two daughters in the 1975 show, and the Alvarez family, based on the recent reboot. (You gotta love Lydia, played by Rita Moreno, but come on, if she were your mom? Drama. Trauma.)
What about the Crawleys of Downton Abbey – what could their possible trauma be? They are landed aristocracy. But in watching Downton Abbey, we see what horrible demands that places on them, and what personal sacrifices it exacts.
Trauma in a people looks like culture.
Pride. Fear. Submission. Anger. Dancing. Drinking. Religion. Drug Addiction. Repression. These ways of dealing with trauma on a personal level can add up to an actual culture. The Irish. The magical world in Harry Potter. African-American culture. WASP culture. The ancient Mayans. The ancient Romans.
It is fascinating, as a writer, and as an observer of human nature and human systems. I discovered this quote, which made me seek its author: Resmaa Menakem, trauma expert.
More about his somatic therapy practice can be found on his site: Per Resmaa, “’White-body supremacy trauma’ is a trauma that we all – including white identified individuals, communities and systems – integrate into our bodies and structures. We need to address this trauma directly in our bodies – not just in our minds.” He also offers a free ecourse.
This week in the FB group, we will be talking about how trauma informs “flawed” characters, realistic families, and cultures of the groups and worlds we create, both somatically (in the body) and in behaviors, decisions and values. Ask to join, if you haven’t already.