No one’s writing goes out into the world, untouched, unedited – except perhaps a text, or post, or at most, a blog. (this blog post is n  ot professionally edited or proofrea, btw.)

You  will be edited – and I don’t mean this as a threat or a negative thing, just a fact.

oof, it’s a blow to the stomach. Another to the heart. Or is it?

It can be. Especially if you haven’t been workshopped before, and are not used to criticism, even when it is constructive. Even when it is couched kindly. Even when it is fully intended to be helpful.

It can hurt.

So, how can you take criticism well?

  • You want your work to improve
  • You want your book to be saleable, readable, understandable, enjoyable.
  • you want a reasonably good relationship with the editor, so you can trust them, and use them again

How to Take Criticism of Your Work

I teach creativity tools, and talk with writers about how they feel about their work – all the time. The one thing that comes up over and over is how to respond to criticism.

  • Writers know they shouldn’t get angry or defensive
  • They know it’s their work and they are the final arbiters
  • They usually feel like it’s a social issue – like it’s an awkwardness problem they have to overcome.

The question mutates to not, how do I hear and accept or reject criticism? but, how do I handle the conversation?

In their anxiety about the difficult conversation, they skip the main point. How can you actually hear, consider, and take in or reject criticism? How do you evaluate it when you feel attacked? Hurt? How do you judge the input, rather than the conversation or the feeling?

The Praise Sandwich

If you’re very lucky, or if you’ve asked for it in advance, you might get a Praise Sandwich, which is shown to make it easier to swallow (if you will) the criticism.

  • first, a good thing, (the bread)
  • then, a hard thing, (the meat and cheese)
  • then, a good thing (the second slice of bread)

But even in that sandwich format, our egos seek the negative and hold on to it. We often discount the positive (“yeah, yeah” or “as if”) as a matter of course. We may even see discounting our attributes as part of our value systems (if we value modesty or humility), but in this instance it does not help you to ignore the praise. Let it sink in. See how it feels, if you allow it to feel true. (Hey, I am a great writer… or she’s right, I do dialogue very well.) Now, the other reason you might play it down is bec you knew this about yourself/your writing.

Still, let that praise dwell for a minute. It will help upshift your brain, out of fear- and defense-mode.

In the normal course of events, here’s what happens during a criticism of any kind:

Reader says:  “I loved this chapter. I loved how…x y z. The ending disappointed me, though.  I wanted more… a b c. This was so great, keep writing!”
You hear: “this is terrible. Who do you think you are? You can’t write.”
Or (if you’re very secure about your writing): “Your ideas are dumb.”

And it hurts, and you avoid critic/friend for months, and you didn’t actually get the feedback intended. You heard neither the positive feedback, nor the note.

Affirmative Judgement

Affirmative Judgement is not normal, I’ll admit. It must be applied consciously, bec our egos fight this positive approach to any criticism. But here’s how it works – AND IT WORKS – so please try it, next time you get or request feedback on your precious work.

  1.  Someone gives you feedback. It is a mix of good and bad.
  2. You’re listening and you may feel attacked.
  3. Let the critique sit on your shoulder (so to speak). You don’t have to let it “in” right away.
  4. Ask the critique, “How Might this Help? How might this Work?
  5. Seek the affirmative way it MIGHT HELP YOU. Let go of all the rest.

Take the example above. The hot coal in that sentence that made you feel bad, question yourself and your writing ability was this part of the statement:

  1. “The ending disappointed me, though.  I wanted more… a b c.”
  2. Pretend it’s a bird sitting on your shoulder saying…”the ending…etc.”
  3. Ask yourself and the bird, how might this input help?
  4. Wait for an answer, open heartedly.

It’s possible you see no value in that input. Just let it flit on by, then. You’ve seen it, valued it, listened to it, and it does not serve you. Thank the bird and the person who took the time to read and critique your work.

That is affirmative judgement. Always ask: “How might this work for me?”

And that is all. Let that critical bird fly onward. Let your lovely day continue.