Doesn’t matter if you’re published, produced or award-winning, creativity comes with a side order of doubt.
Doubt
I recently read that Bono, of U2 fame, had written an intensely personal song about his mother, Iris, and it was to be included on his 2019 album, Songs of Innocents. Days before the release of the album he had severe second thoughts and insecurity about the song. He was calling his label to have it deleted from the album, when he remembered it was the third anniversary of the collapse that led to her death – to the day. He saw that as a sign, and acquiesced in its release. Now, of course, he’s grateful he shared it with the world. Bono described it as “the most personal album we’ve written.”
David Letterman’s finale, after 33 years as host of the Late Show, churned up multiple interviews with his writers and staff, looking for the “inside scoop” on the comedic legend. Dave’s creative angst and insecurity came up in interview after interview. Despite his achievements and accolades he was uncomfortable with a compliment and deeply insecure about each show – feeling it always could have better.
Famous for their doubts and insecurity are writers Sylvia Plath, Edith Wharton and artists like Micahelangelo and DaVinci. From Flannery O’Connor:
Dear God, I am so discouraged about my work. I have the feeling of discouragement that is. I realize I don’t know what I realize. Please help me dear God to be a good writer and to get something else accepted. Oh Lord. Help me with this life that seems so treacherous, so disappointing.
~ Flannery O’Connor
Creativity brings doubt, insecurity and sometimes misery to the many writers, comedians, and songwriters who pursue it. Is there a way to be absolutely free of anxiety and doubt – the side effect of creativity?
All of a sudden I understood why I was so moody, neurotic, simultaneously paranoid and megalomaniac, mistrustful, uneasy, driven by ambition, but paralyzed by guilt about my ambition, horny, obsessive, compulsive, obsessive-compulsive, not to mention shy, withdrawn, and dandruff ridden. I was creative. All creative people were like that.
~ Steven Pressfield
What the accomplished creators prove to us is that no bargain with the universe will free us from doubt. We cannot hold on to the belief that:
As soon as I achieve __________, I will no longer doubt my creativity.
We have to let it go, and let doubt be part of our writing process. On the bright side, there are points in your life when doubt can spur you to bigger and better, even if also times when it can shut you down.
Let’s dissolve doubt this week in the FB Group. Maybe you think you should have done NaNoWriMo. Maybe you think you should have written more in your thirties, or your forties, or before you had kids. Maybe now, you wonder if you can write anything worth writing.
Doubt comes with the territory. But it doesn’t have to become the territory.