“There’s just a small persistent voice in my mind that wants to chuck it all and quit,” my client says.
I get that. We all have a footdragger in our minds, that last little non-compliant voice that keeps trying to sabotage all the gains you’ve made.
My client expects me to help her shut this voice down. Everything in her life is working. She has time to write. She is keeping up with work and kids. It’s just this voice.
It seems like its mischief could bring down the house, so you actively try to shun it. Exclude it. Make it go away. That little voice feels dangerous.
The more expedient route may surprise you. The best way forward is NOT to shut down this little voice. It is time to indulge it. Smile at it. Love it. Really.
What does it want? How might you help that small voice in your mind, who seems on the verge of a tantrum? We’ll call it, your inner toddler. Address your inner toddler’s needs, the same way you might a real toddler. Here’s how:
Take a regular piece of paper, and fold it lengthwise to form two columns. In the left column, use your dominant hand to ask an open-ended question:
How might I help you?
In the right column, use your non-dominant hand to answer. You’ll find that writing with your nondominant hand accesses a different part of your brain, and you might come up with a tweak or a simple solution that makes your inner toddler happy. Keep a dialogue between right hand and left hand, dominant and non-dominant brain spaces for the whole page.
What might make you happier?
Would it help if we x later?
I know that’s a little weird. And you might not actually do it, reading this. You might think, good idea. Or even cool, but you don’t get out a piece of paper and fold it lengthwise and talk to the toddler with mischievous thoughts.
Here’s why you should. That toddler is chafing against something you’re trying to adhere to – whether it’s schedule, diet, austerity or to get out of the supermarket without a meltdown. (Okay, that’s a real toddler…)
And the inner toddler is looking to keep you (capital You) happy in the only way it knows how, upset the inner tyrant. You can be grateful to the toddler. It knows when to run and hide, and when to use a slingshot to bring down your inner tyrant. If you want your tyrant (schedules, rules, routines, expectations) to continue productively, you need to include the toddler and bring her along. Why? Bec the toddler is also your source, your inspiration, your fun, your creativity. Your toddler is also you.
You have many parts in your brain. Tyrant and toddler are two of the best known. Let them make peace with each other on a piece of paper, folded into two columns. And let your hopes and dreams, as well as your plans and projects prosper.