What’s holding you back?

I hear it all the time. “I want to write.” People say it as if it’s not in their control whether or not they write. They even believe they don’t get to decide if they get to write or not. There are gatekeepers – agents, publishers, producers and readers – who get to decide if you can write. Do any of these thoughts ring in your mind, when you think about wanting to write?

• “I have to earn a living first.”
• “I can’t write what I want or my family will hate me.”
• “When I finally find time, I can settle down and write.”
• “I get stuck up in my head.”
• “Why bother? Who wants to read what I have to say, anyway?”
• “I’ll never sell it, so what’s the point?”

What’s holding you back?

Let’s assume that none of those thoughts above are REAL reasons not to write. If writing is part of who you are, then you have to actually repress it to keep it from happening. You have to banish the part of you that thinks it would be okay to write. And how do you keep that niggling little desire from popping up and writing something? You keep hounding it with negative thoughts. You keep scaring it back into the corner. You keep showing it possible consequences of DOING THE THING YOU MOST WANT TO DO.

Today’s tool is called Create/Hate

So, what are those possible consequences? Judgement. Hate. Scorn. Rejection. And those are REAL possibilities. No one can pretend they don’t happen.

In order to be your best self – whether that’s as a writer or just a human – you need to become 100% fine with your worst self.

If you fear judgement or rejection or failure then you will always act to protect yourself from them. If you recoil at the thought of being hated or scorned, then your ego will always be able to control and repress your creative desires.

You will forever be throwing on the brakes, to avoid what might be a skid in the road.

But let’s say you had a way to skid-proof yourself. Yes, the skids are going to happen, but you can manage them with aplomb. How do we get that?

Create/Hate

What you’d hate to read about yourself is precisely what’s keeping you from creating the one thing you really want to create. It is your hand-brake. It is the skid in the road that you don’t think you can survive.

What are the fear words? What do people HATE the idea of reading about themselves?

• arrogant
• self-centered, selfish
• stupid
• ordinary
• untalented
• a fraud
• dishonest
• liar
• fraud
• disorganized
• unprofessional
• lazy
• needy, desperate
• … what am I’m forgetting?

What is your one fear? or your many fear words? That’s okay too. In Jungian terms, these are considered “shadow selves,” the parts of ourselves that we’re not proud of, that we try to hide.

Here’s how to get the brakes off and skid-proof yourself… be 100%, 1000% okay with being that word. How do you come to accept the one trait you fear people will call you? Start by acknowledging the reason you fear this particular judgement. Perhaps, you were called that a lot as a child, even if unjustly. Perhaps, you are that thing, at least a little.

How do you come to accept that harsh and unjust scorn as true, as who you are? Find the good side of that trait. Lazy – can also mean

1. efficient/effective – you create systems bec you’re too lazy to do the same things over and over again
2. relaxed, not “efforting” constantly, letting things come to you
3. willing to let things go, not controlling, delegating

See, it’s not so terrible to be considered “lazy,” is it? Is there a kind of lazy that you can accept as part of who you are? And once you do, do you see how that frees you up to do what you do, and not worry about that label? Find your scary word and find a way to fully, and actually, embrace it.

We all have times when we’re brilliant, and times when we aren’t. It is paramount to understand and accept the times we aren’t brilliant as part of who we are, and part of why we can, at other times, be brilliant. My Thanks to Rachel Jayne Groover for sharing her gift of presence and radical self-acceptance this week. We all need a coach to keep us in touch with what matters in hte moment. It reminded me that our strengths are always also our weaknesses, and we have to embrace and accept our shadows to shine the sunny brilliance we have inside us.